Making Masquerade Mistakes

 As a kid, planning for Halloween included decorating the house, buying enough candy for your entire town that will inevitably visit your house, and finding a costume that can be layered with warm clothes (at least for Northeast Pennsylvania). However, college costumes have a different theory for Halloween parties. As some costumes can be funny, cute or even sexy, the following have been worn out, overused, and are somewhat offensive. Consider this as the “what not to wear” of this year’s Halloween festivities.

            Lacking originality, and as cute as you might think it is, “his/hers” costumes might be adorable to your significant other, but to everyone else, it’s just nauseating. The electrical outlet, with matching plugs, or Cinderella with her prince charming are  classics to the eyes of the wearer, but this year let’s put that one to rest. On the brighter side, it’s not a complete failure, if executed correctly. Stay current and not cheesy. Try your favorite sports team player minus the cheerleader, girls can be strong football players too!  Stay away from anything that might be found a few times in a large crowd. Originality is key!

            Mean Girls’ Lindsey Lohan said it all with “Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.” This is not a reason to go out looking like a hooker, because everyone knows that it’s freezing out, and at this point, it is called desperation. Playboy Bunnies, sexy cops, pirates, etc.; the guys may like it, but is it really worth the humiliation when you’re taken to the hospital with hypothermia? Avoid all boots that come above the knee, any skirt that is shorter than underwear, and keep the ‘girls’ for private viewing only.

            Likewise, men dressing as pimps are only appropriate on the streets of Las Vegas. Seeing as prostitution is illegal in the state, consider it wrong to dress like one too. Guys, it’s fun to dress up once in a while, but why dress down? Stay away from cheap suits without a shirt under it, with a matching hat and fake dollar bills.

            Everyone likes to make fun of political figures, the late 90’s were plagued with who knows how many Monica Lewinsky outfits. Last year, Tina Fey inspired what is likely to be a big contender of Halloween, the ‘Sarah Palin’ costume. Putting on fake glasses and a business suit sounds like a comfortable option, and everyone has a Palin joke hidden up their sleeve. However, as much as everyone would love to make fun of this Alaskan vice presidential hopeful, let’s leave her to fishing in the ‘great north’ and as much dignity as she has left.

            Opposing the scantily clad Bunnies mentioned earlier, the Gorilla suit option allows wearers to cover up literally from head to toe. Downfall to this: besides being the number one fallback of lame options, it just doesn’t work in the party atmosphere. It’s hard to get a girl’s number when a plastic, often creepy ape face is in the way. It’s also hard for a girl to get a good look at what she’s talking to, which often ends in a negative way. Try playing up the handsome guy inside, not covering up the one thing that may pick up the girl: a smile.

            As a fan of Stephenie Meyer’s work, it’s understandable to be enthusiastic enough to dress up as a vampire. It’s a classic creature of Halloween, turned gorgeous by the phenomenon that is “Twilight”. In this case, it’s the thought that counts. Being compared to an undead, yet gorgeous “perfect” man, is the way to get a girl to talk about Edward for the next 45 minutes, and nothing else. Ladies, unless you plan on being the “Breaking Dawn” Bella, it’s just not worth it. You’ll just look like a normal girl, which doesn’t really count as a costume. If vampire is the only option, stick with the classic Dracula.

            Another faux pas is famous couples. The world is tired of seeing anything about Jon and Kate, Angie and Brad, Tom and Katie, Pam and Tommy, and all those annoying couples. The ‘backward mullet,’ as it has been nicknamed, is just another dig at Kate, and she has enough going on with the eight kids now that her husband has run off with the nanny and TLC dropped her show. Now she has nothing left in that big mansion that Jon left her in the divorce. Speaking of a house full of kids, Brad and Angelina are the most publicized couple right now, but that was the same as last year, and the year before that, so let’s just drop it.

            It may be funny to joke about current events, but poking fun at a deadly pandemic is just crude. Swine flu is not a costume, so anything involving a pig nose and a face mask should be left at home. However, if you have any flu-like symptoms, a face mask may be a good idea.