Too Far And Much Too Close

 Dear Mistress Lovebuckets,

            I am currently in a long distance relationship, and communication is difficult due to different time zones.  I sent my girlfriend a message saying that I miss her because I would like a to give her some reassurance that I’m thinking about her, and instead of giving me that same reassurance in return, she sent me a joking message saying that she knows I miss her.  While I know she cares, I would like a little reassurance every now and then, I just don’t know how to convey that without seeming needy.

-Not needy, just unsure

 

 

Dear Not Needy,

            Certainly it makes sense to miss your significant other when trying to make a long distance relationship work, and it is completely normal to need a little bit of assurance, but that doesn’t make you needy.  Perhaps she is afraid of coming across as needy, or she just assumes that since she is in the relationship, you already know how she feels.

            Whatever the reason for the two of you being on different pages, the fact remains that you are on different pages.  This isn’t good, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be bad.  It is nearly impossible to say, “I need you to tell me that you miss me and that you care,” without sounding needy, so the straight-forward approach is almost out of the question, unless you are a master wordsmith.  Also, asking for this kind of reassurance makes it almost feel forced, which is in no way romantic.

            The only solution here is a compromise.  You need to understand that it might just be easier for her to not focus on the distance between the two of you, because the distance often makes the relationship much more difficult.  Also, she may feel that if she keeps an emotional distance between you two while you’re far away, it is easier to accept the fact that you are living far from each other.  You could also find some way to ask her how she feels, or to ask if she is handling the physical distance well.  However you decide to approach this, you may have to realize that she might not be able to fulfill your need of reassurance at all.  It comes down to you deciding whether or not you can tell her how you feel without coming off as too needy, or if you can deal with things the way they are.

 

 

 

Dear Mistress Lovebuckets,

            I get along with all my roommates really well, which I understand is a rarity.  The only minor issue is that one of the girls I live with keeps her tv on all the time.  The volume is usually low enough that we can’t hear it during the day, but at night, I can hear it.  She’s often said that she needs the tv on so that she can sleep, so I don’t know how to tell her to turn it down enough so that it doesn’t keep me up, but its still loud enough that she can hear it. 

-Light Sleeper

 

Dear Light,

            I hope that you don’t all split the electricity bill evenly, because this is unfair to you and your other roommates to have to pay for her over-usage of a television.  Back to the problem at hand, the best approach is simply to approach her about it.

            Your roommate may not even be aware that you can hear her tv, and since you said that you guys all get along, it shouldn’t be a problem to politely let her know.  Perhaps, she can also use the sleep mode on her tv so that it isn’t on all night with no one watching it.  Another reasonable suggestion is that she get some external speakers and places them closer to her bed on a low volume so that only she can hear them.  If none of these suggestions are a possibility, you could invest in some of those noise blocking ear plugs, so that you can sleep peacefully, and she can keep her sleep habits uninterrupted. 

 

            Mistress Lovebuckets (Tali Zangari) got her start on the Fearsome Foursome on 91.1 WBUQ.  You can ask her any relationship questions by emailing her at mistresslovebuckets@yahoo.com.